I came to a realization today. A realization of my appreciation towards my girlfriend. It's not that I don't appreciate her. It's that I take for granted everything she does for me especially when it comes to my children. Having been a single father on two seperate occassions I know how overwhelming it can be at times. When you are in a home with both parents you always have that extra hand available to you and you never have the stress of doing everything yourself. At least if both parents are responsible which I hope is the case. When you are single you are responsible for your kids 100% of the time while they are in your care. The only time you really get to yourself is the couple of hours after you put them to bed.
When your a single Dad and your trying to date it can very hard when you don't have any help looking after the kids. If you were anything like I was, then you didn't have a lot of money to go out and meet someone. Nor would you want to spend money on a baby sitter that you don't have. I don't have the luxury of having family around to help me when I need it. I also don't have the help of my sons mother but that is an entirely different topic for a different time. I found myself looking online to meet someone. I ended up meeting a couple women from a couple sites, namely "Plenty of Fish", but it was not something that I took seriously. I really didn't want to meet people online but it was hard if not imporssible to find the time to meet anybody new except through work or friends. But as I have stated in the previous post I did meet that special women through dating online. So I guess things can work if you give them a chance to.
It's hard to give an answer to "What do I love most about her?". I can give many answers but they all become trival when I think to myself "She loves my boys". It doesn't matter what answer I give because when it boils down to the bare bones, it wouldn't work in the end if she didn't love them or at least respect and accept them as a part of my life. She accecpted them into her life just as quickly as she accepted me. She has never treated them poorly or treated them like they don't belong. She knows that as much as I love her my children will always come first and I know that she will never question that.
This all comes back to my appreciation of her. An appreciation that any single father will have when a woman accepts not only him but his children into her life. My children are no responsibility but my own in my home but she helps me in so many ways everyday that I really do take them for granted. She cooks for them, and takes care of them when they are hurt. Above all else she lets me sleep in when she is up and she will look after them. All I am trying to say is that if you have what I have then you need to go hug that special somone and tell them you love them and that you appreciate everything they do for you. Even if your married you should express this appeciation from time to time because believe me, it's a lot harder by yourself.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
About my kids
I am the father of 3 beautiful children. Like all dad's (or so it should be) they are my life and everything I do revolves around them. I wouldn't trade them for the world even if things in life didn't work out as planned. I am a Dad who has 3 kids with 3 different mothers. I don't really have to say how difficult this can be. You can either imagine it or have experienced it. Let me start this site off by giving you a little bit about how my life with my children began.
My first born who is now the age of 6 changed my world for ever. I never realized back then how life altering a child could be. Especially from a single stand point. His mother and I were together through most of high school and college. It was a young love that as we grew older, grew apart. We ended up ending our relationship and were split up for over 4 months when one night we went out for coffee and one thing led to another. Well two months later she told me she was pregnant. I am a firm believer now that it only takes one time. I cannot even begin to explain what was going through my head when I found out. I was happy and excited yet scared. I always wanted to be a Dad but I was young and was just finishing up my last semester of college. We got back together to try to make things work but it only lasted till my little guy was 6 months old. There was no love felt between us anymore and I didn't want to raise a child in a loveless home. And we've remained split up ever since.
My second little guy who is 3 came a little un-expectantly but through my own carelessness. I should have expected it. I met his mother through a friend of mine who set us up on Christmas Day. I was in a bit of a depression at the time. I felt alone (relationship wise) and I had a lot of things going through my head at the time that were starting to pile up on me. My buddy thought me meeting her would be good for me. She came over and I can say I fell in love with her almost right away. Maybe it was because I felt so lonely or maybe because of something else. Looking back I can't explain why things happened so quickly. She ended up getting pregnant a little over 4 months into our relationship. I will admit that I should have been a hell of a lot more careful. But it happened and changing it now would mean giving up my little guy. Besides we were so in love and everything seemed perfect at the time. We had our fights and disagreements but we always worked them out. Things got progressively worse after my son was born. She was fighting and arguing with me all the time. Every day she would find something to fight with me about. She would call me at work just to fight with me. I started to dread going home. I never wanted to fight in front of my children but she would just keep pushing my buttons and yelling at me until my temper and emotions exploded. She would block doorways and hide my shoes so I couldn't leave. It got to the point where I started to call the police because I didn't want to leave my kids with her and she wouldn't stop screaming or getting physical with me. We were together for 3 years before I ended it. I think why it ended is pretty evident.
Now onto my newest edition, my beautiful baby girl. Daddy's little girl. Somehow a daughter holds a special place in a father’s heart. Not that my boys aren't special in their own unique ways. I met my daughter’s mother on plenty of fish which is a popular free dating website. I had every intention of taking things slow relationship wise after my break up of my previous relationship. And for a little while that’s exactly how I took it. It started off as more of a sexual relationship then a serious one. I liked her a lot and enjoyed her company but I had walls and barriers up from my previous relationship that stopped me from getting emotionally attached. She was falling in love with me but somehow I was completely blind to it. It wasn't until I was a drunken emotional idiot (which was probably best as I bottle up my emotions to often) that she was there for me and told me that she loved me. It was a bit of a slap in the face. It also knocked down one of those emotional walls that I had up. I began to realize that I was suppressing feelings and emotions as a way to protect myself. I had this beautiful woman in front of me that loved me for who I was. How could I be so blind not to realize how happy I was when I was with her? I ended up confessing my love for her as well although not the same night (I wouldn't do that drunk). After sometime she moved in with me and of course she ended up getting pregnant. I seem to have a good habit of being very careful when it comes to sex. But really we are both to blame for it. We tried to be careful with sex. We both hate condoms and she wasn't on birth control. We tried to use different methods but everyone as well as I know those methods aren't full proof. Abortion was something that we had discussed between us. I can say that I was actually really terrified. I was scared about having 3 kids with 3 mothers. I was scared about having 3 kids all below the age of 10. I was scared of just about everything. She didn't want an abortion but she didn't want to keep it if I didn't want to. I loved her to much to ask her to do that and I was also fighting with my own moral issues. I almost hate to say it but it was something I pondered on for too long a time. It wasn't fair to make her wait for an answer from me nor did it feel right deciding the life of my unborn child this way. But things worked out perfect in the long run. We were and still are both in love with each other and we get along perfectly. There isn't anything I can really complain about her without being petty. And above all she loves my boys.
My first born who is now the age of 6 changed my world for ever. I never realized back then how life altering a child could be. Especially from a single stand point. His mother and I were together through most of high school and college. It was a young love that as we grew older, grew apart. We ended up ending our relationship and were split up for over 4 months when one night we went out for coffee and one thing led to another. Well two months later she told me she was pregnant. I am a firm believer now that it only takes one time. I cannot even begin to explain what was going through my head when I found out. I was happy and excited yet scared. I always wanted to be a Dad but I was young and was just finishing up my last semester of college. We got back together to try to make things work but it only lasted till my little guy was 6 months old. There was no love felt between us anymore and I didn't want to raise a child in a loveless home. And we've remained split up ever since.
My second little guy who is 3 came a little un-expectantly but through my own carelessness. I should have expected it. I met his mother through a friend of mine who set us up on Christmas Day. I was in a bit of a depression at the time. I felt alone (relationship wise) and I had a lot of things going through my head at the time that were starting to pile up on me. My buddy thought me meeting her would be good for me. She came over and I can say I fell in love with her almost right away. Maybe it was because I felt so lonely or maybe because of something else. Looking back I can't explain why things happened so quickly. She ended up getting pregnant a little over 4 months into our relationship. I will admit that I should have been a hell of a lot more careful. But it happened and changing it now would mean giving up my little guy. Besides we were so in love and everything seemed perfect at the time. We had our fights and disagreements but we always worked them out. Things got progressively worse after my son was born. She was fighting and arguing with me all the time. Every day she would find something to fight with me about. She would call me at work just to fight with me. I started to dread going home. I never wanted to fight in front of my children but she would just keep pushing my buttons and yelling at me until my temper and emotions exploded. She would block doorways and hide my shoes so I couldn't leave. It got to the point where I started to call the police because I didn't want to leave my kids with her and she wouldn't stop screaming or getting physical with me. We were together for 3 years before I ended it. I think why it ended is pretty evident.
Now onto my newest edition, my beautiful baby girl. Daddy's little girl. Somehow a daughter holds a special place in a father’s heart. Not that my boys aren't special in their own unique ways. I met my daughter’s mother on plenty of fish which is a popular free dating website. I had every intention of taking things slow relationship wise after my break up of my previous relationship. And for a little while that’s exactly how I took it. It started off as more of a sexual relationship then a serious one. I liked her a lot and enjoyed her company but I had walls and barriers up from my previous relationship that stopped me from getting emotionally attached. She was falling in love with me but somehow I was completely blind to it. It wasn't until I was a drunken emotional idiot (which was probably best as I bottle up my emotions to often) that she was there for me and told me that she loved me. It was a bit of a slap in the face. It also knocked down one of those emotional walls that I had up. I began to realize that I was suppressing feelings and emotions as a way to protect myself. I had this beautiful woman in front of me that loved me for who I was. How could I be so blind not to realize how happy I was when I was with her? I ended up confessing my love for her as well although not the same night (I wouldn't do that drunk). After sometime she moved in with me and of course she ended up getting pregnant. I seem to have a good habit of being very careful when it comes to sex. But really we are both to blame for it. We tried to be careful with sex. We both hate condoms and she wasn't on birth control. We tried to use different methods but everyone as well as I know those methods aren't full proof. Abortion was something that we had discussed between us. I can say that I was actually really terrified. I was scared about having 3 kids with 3 mothers. I was scared about having 3 kids all below the age of 10. I was scared of just about everything. She didn't want an abortion but she didn't want to keep it if I didn't want to. I loved her to much to ask her to do that and I was also fighting with my own moral issues. I almost hate to say it but it was something I pondered on for too long a time. It wasn't fair to make her wait for an answer from me nor did it feel right deciding the life of my unborn child this way. But things worked out perfect in the long run. We were and still are both in love with each other and we get along perfectly. There isn't anything I can really complain about her without being petty. And above all she loves my boys.
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